Do You Want to Take Off Your Mask?
Are you in the habit of pretending?
Pretending you’re unbothered when you’re actually pretty upset.
Behaving as though you’re confident when you’re really full of doubt.
Pretending you’re happy to stay in when you’d rather go out with friends.
Acting like you’re an enthusiastic listener when you’re actually checked out.
Pretending you’re not interested when in reality you’re feeling quite desperate.
We’ve all got our own ways of pretending, and reasons for doing it. Under certain circumstances, with particular people, in certain settings.
If you answered my opening question with, “No,” there’s a possibility you’re simply unaware of all the ways you sometimes put on a show. Of the roles you step up and fill without question. Of the masks you slip on without skipping a beat when you step into different group dynamics.
Many of us do this so automatically that we don’t even notice. It’s how we’ve operated since first learning that different people expect different things of us, and if we become afraid of upsetting others, we need to figure out how to show up in ways that seem necessary.
This isn’t about the act of pretending being “bad” or “wrong” and it’s not another reason to feel shame. There are likely good reasons that each of us picked up this habit of pretending when we were learning to navigate the world. Needing to please our parents, present ourselves in a particular way to our teachers, show up professionally for our employers. It’s an adaptation and/or a defense mechanism that makes sense.
All of that said, there can be real power in beginning to notice all the ways we tend to pretend, and when we choose to, setting the mask aside and revealing what’s underneath.
The power to potentially bring more authenticity to friendships, more intimacy to relationships, more freedom and ease into life, in general.
I’m not telling you to STOP PRETENDING under all circumstances. That’s entirely up to you, of course.
I’m suggesting that there can be benefits to sharing more of ourselves, revealing what’s actually up, in spaces and relationships that we feel safe to experiment with more openness and vulnerability.
You can give it a try anytime you like.
The next time you notice yourself telling your partner that you’re happy to cook dinner when you’re actually totally exhausted and want to order in, or feeling the need to put on a brave face when your friend invites you to do something that terrifies you. You could try and give yourself a moment to s l o o o o w down, check in with yourself to see if you can feel into what’s really up for you, and then talk about it!
Try sharing about what you were pretending and any insights you have about why you had that inclination.
What might happen?
If you’d like to experiment a bit with your pretenses and talk about how the habit of pretending might be showing up in your life, that’s one of the things we’ll get into during the Radical Honesty Basics Online Workshop happening this coming Saturday, May 23rd.
I’d love to support you in discovering the ways you’ve felt the need to pretend, play a role, or wear a mask in your life, and to consider what might be possible if you remove the mask when you want to.
If you’d like to dig a little deeper and try some in-person practice in Radical Honesty, please join me for a Weekend Workshop in Denver, CO, July 18th & 19th!
Find all of my upcoming offerings HERE.
Best wishes for the unmasking,
Lindsay