(NOT) Naked Work

A lot of us have spent a lot of time and energy on our looks- in thought and action- comparing ourselves to others and imagining we don’t measure up, wishing we could change things, worrying what our partners think, considering how our appearance may impact our access in the world and our ability to attract a spouse or sex. We might get endless treatments and buy magic pills and potions, or opt for cosmetic surgery, and spend hours on social media looking for unrealistic goals to attain.

Some of us talk about these things with others, while some of us keep that bottled up inside, not wanting to admit to our dissatisfaction, insecurities, and shame.

I was somewhere in the middle of that spectrum before going to my first Radical Honesty 8-Day Intensive Workshop. After my first intensive, I had talked A LOT with others about what I didn’t like (and liked) about my appearance- my face, my body, my hair, everything. I talked about all of that during the “Naked Work” portion of the workshop.

Do you know about the Naked Work that we do at our 8-Day Intensives? Believe it or not, on around the 5th day of the intensive, all 20 or so people who are present for the workshop do THE NAKED WORK. All participants and Trainers get naked while in the circle we’ve shared for all of the previous workshop sessions. Then, one at a time, each person gets up in front of the group. Each of us has an opportunity to fully experience the experience of standing in front of people, naked, in all our glory, and talking about all of our bits and bobs that we like and don’t like

For most of us, THIS IS A VERY BIG DEAL. Not only standing naked and vulnerable in front of a room full of people, but also considering how we look, from head to toe, and sharing what we think about our appearance, admitting to our insecurities and shame, along with revealing what we appreciate about our looks. AND feeling all the feelings that come up when doing all of this, and sharing about THAT, too! Shudder.

Here are some things I shared during my turn:

-I don’t like my hair. I think of it as too thin, and fine, and straight. Lifeless.

-I think my forehead is too big and I try to hide it.

-I really don’t like the big bumps and moles I have on my face, and especially my nose, I’m really self conscious about that. I want to get them removed.

-I wish my teeth were whiter.

-I don’t love my small breasts, but don’t really mind them, either, but I still feel VERY self conscious about them when I’m wearing something revealing around other people, especially men, and imagine that most people think of them as way too small. I often feel like I need to hide them completely.

-I have hairy armpits and don’t mind them and choose not to shave them, and I often feel like I have to hide my armpits when I’m around men or people who I think would judge me.

-I think I’m too bony and thin in my chest and torso and feel embarrassed about that and want to hide it, and I think of myself as looking sick and gross sometimes.

-Even though I’m small and thin, I think of my stomach as sticking out too much and being big and poochy on my thin torso. I suck it in when it seems particularly bloated.

And so on! There’s more, but I’ll spare you!

You might be thinking, “WHY ON EARTH WOULD ANYBODY WILLINGLY DO THIS??! WHAT FOR??”

Well, like Brad Blanton and many others who practice Radical Honesty, I believed that it was possible to go through the experience of baring all, sharing my secrets, and coming out a little less serious about my insecurities, and a little more light and free on the other side. And you know what? That turned out to be true! And even more so after doing the exercise additional times over the years. Each time I took this risk in front of a group of people, I left the circle less hung up on the particulars of my appearance, more free from my own judgments, and much more comfortable in my own skin- even at ease, naked, in a room full of people.

Many of us give our insecurities power by holding onto them as shameful secrets. So, even if you’re not ready to bare yourself physically in a workshop, warts and all, can you imagine the freedom you might give yourself from taking the risk to talk about your insecurities with others?

How might you lighten up on yourself when you hear other people talk about the shame they feel about the size of their penises, the embarrassment they have around their cesarean scars, or how they refuse to wear a bathing suit because of the acne on their backs? What might it do for you to hear others say, “Oh, I can totally relate to what you’re saying!” or “I’ve always been embarrassed about that too and haven’t had the nerve to talk about it!”

What space might you free up in your mind if you clear out some of the seemingly relentless thoughts you have about your crooked teeth, your hairy mole, or your dimpled bum? How much more present might you be with the people in your life if you didn’t have a wall of self doubt and self criticism between you and them?

If you’d like to see how you might free yourself up and build confidence through real talk about your insecurities, I invite you to join me for the online session series (NOT) Naked Work. During three, 2 ½ hour sessions we’ll have group conversations and do paired and group work on the topic of insecurities with our appearance, each session with a particular focus.

We’ll be brave, vulnerably honest, and experimental together!

(Part of The Naked Work during 8-Day Intensives is talking about our sexuality. We will not be digging into sexuality during the (NOT) Naked Work Series.)