You can try it without “buy-in”
Something that workshop participants often ask me is, “How do you do Radical Honesty with people who haven’t been to a workshop and don’t know what it is?”
Really, the practice is something I choose to do in my interactions and communication with others. It’s not something I teach or preach to folks around me. None of the people I’m closest with “practice Radical Honesty,” nor have they been to a workshop. I haven’t explained much to them about what Radical Honesty is and it’s not something I talk about on a regular basis.
This is because I don’t need buy-in from anybody to be myself, to be expressive, emotive, and honest. And I don’t need you to be forthcoming, self-expressed, and transparent in order for me to practice embodying those qualities.
Gem Lake, Estes Park, CO
Don’t get me wrong, it can definitely be easier to be straight about my emotions and express myself more fully when others around me are regularly doing the same, but it’s not a requirement. This is something I take on mainly for my own health and well-being, rather than to get a particular outcome from anyone else.
So, what does it look like to do Radical Honesty with people who haven’t been to a workshop and don’t know what it is?
There’s no one answer to that, but here are a few ways it could look:
If you read the book or went to a Radical Honesty workshop and loved every minute of it, and want to tell everyone you know everything about it, it's possible the people in your life might not be as enthusiastic about the topic as you are, and they don’t need to be. Radical Honesty is one (great) option (for communication, for building intimacy, for workshops to attend, etc.) in a world full of options. This could be a good opportunity to learn more about what changes or types of communication would feel good to your loved ones… or to bring more people into your life who are enthused about Radical Honesty!
If you share with folks in your life that you went to a workshop about honesty and self expression and they want to hear more, awesome! You sharing more of yourself may naturally lead to others sharing more with you, which may lead to greater understanding and intimacy, regardless of anything you tell them about Radical Honesty. This is a pretty common occurrence!
If you got something out of what you practiced at a Radical Honesty workshop and you want those close to you to know about it, but you're nervous to bring it up with them, or fear they’ll think it’s dumb or too much, you can start by revealing those thoughts and feelings. You can even tell them how it feels to share those things with them in the moment, and then ask if they’d like to hear more. See where it takes you!
Great Sand Dunes National Park, Southern CO
In the end, you don’t need anybody to buy into the specific idea or practice of “Radical Honesty” in order for you to begin to be more open, honest, expressive, and yourself around them.
You really can just begin to do/be it.
And that might be terrifying!
And you can share that too.
“I want to be more open and honest with you, and I’m so scared that if I start to tell you more of my thoughts and let myself really feel more of my emotions around you, you might think I’m too dramatic and you may not want to be around me as much… Now my heart is pounding and I’m having a hard time making eye contact with you. I’m really uncomfortable right now! Ugh. How are you doing? What are your thoughts?”
If you’ve read Radical Honesty or been to a workshop, and you’re struggling with the idea that EVERYONE in your life SHOULD be doing Radical Honesty or you can’t/won’t know how to interact with them, or you feel frozen in fear about moving forward in a more honest and expressive way, feel free to reach out to me with any questions or to request an online coaching session. I’d love to support you in that stuck-ness.
Lindsay